It's an awesome thing when I have students choosing to wander into my classroom between classes just to say "hello." It's awesome when they choose to make eye contact with you in the hallway––which is saying a lot for middle schoolers. It's extremely awesome when kids tell you that you're they're favorite teacher.
But it's also extremely tricky. A teacher has to be friendly, but not a friend. Goodness, they talk trash to their friends, and that's not how I want to be treated. A teacher has to create a positive relationship teacher-student relationship, which incorporates trust and respect for the other's role. That's all good and fine, but it's tricky when the teacher needs to be firm and bring in consequences for unruly behavior; I have to correct behavior while still maintaining a good, positive rapport with that student.
A memory
There was a time during my internship year that I absolutely blew it. A student was on the computer playing a game instead of doing his reading program. I pretty much let him have it for a few seconds. It was the end of the day and everyone was tired. But I really let it slip. The worst part is that all of the other students were witnessing this.
A Secret:
It's bad enough when the teacher yells. It's worse when there's an audience.
I felt really bad. You could see this student's shoulders slump as he slowly went back to what he should have been doing. I realized that I needed to refocus on being positive.
Another Secret:
Amazing things happen when you think positively.
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| From http://www.successconsciousness.com/ |
I found that as I focused on being positive, the kids were more willing to respond and participate. Even when there was bad behavior, if I reminded myself that I needed to remain positive, the outcome was better. The focus changed from being on their negative behavior to instead being about the chance to choose better and change behavior.
And we're back to the present.
My internship was at an elementary school. Elementary students are extremely willing to forgive and forget negative teacher behavior. My first year of teaching is at a middle school. Middle schoolers remember; on top of that, they're moody and everything is dramatic. So maintaining classroom management and student rapport is, as I've said, tricky. In fact, my daily classroom energy is probably spent thus:
Am I right, or am I right? If there's a prospective teacher out there who thinks what they'll be doing in the classroom is teaching, then they're in for a real surprise. Yes, there is teaching, but it's a very small amount of what I actually do. Some might think it's because I teach sped, and there might be something about that. I do have a higher percentage of ADHD and autism in my class. But I think even a gen-ed teacher is going to have a similar energy chart––they'll just be dealing with different behaviors that I do.
But I've found that if I think positively (about my job, about the students, about a situation), then both the students and I react better, and I don't feel as spent at the end of the day (that means more energy for my family! Bonus points!). It takes a lot more energy to be negative. Really, it does.
On a kinda-sorta related note:
This reminds me of a Ted Talk I watched a few months ago. Thinking positively about stress. Teaching is stressful, right? Think positively about it. Use it as a tool to go out victorious! Da na na! Watch it here.
Ted Talk Secret:
Stress is the best ever.
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And we're back:
So I don't have all the answers. But positive thinking can go a long way to creating a more healthy teacher-student relationship. Respect the student, and they'll learn to respect you. Explain reasons behind consequences, and ways for them to redeem themselves. Most importantly, show that you care. If they're talking to you, look into their eyes and listen. If they need help, go and help them.
Don't ignore them. Talk to them.
Validate them.
Final Secret:
Students need a positive influence.
(pssst! That's you!)
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