Apologizing, Part 1

There have been a few apologies going around this week.

The first one was from me to my 4th-period class.

On Tuesday I woke up anxious.  This was B-day, which always put me a little on edge.  On B-day I have my 8th graders, and they are a lot to handle.  I don't know if I do it very well, but on Tuesday I definitely didn't do it well.

As I said, I woke up anxious with thoughts on this one student (we'll call him Bobby) who has been the main source of the problem for two months.  It's been awful.  He'll speak in Spanish loudly because he knows I don't understand, and then I hear later from others that he's swearing up a storm and talking about vulgar things.  Bobby talks constantly during class, and doesn't care a bit about what I have to say about it.  He distracts the other students and has brought not only his own grade down, but those around him, too.

Advice for student and teacher alike?

So I was on edge when it came time for 4th-period on Tuesday.

It didn't start well.  Not only did Bobby start from the very beginning of class to disrupt everything, but I was getting after other kids for little things that I should have let slip, because they weren't that big of a deal.  One girl (we'll call her Sue) completely refused to participate in taking her turn to lead the class in the rules.  Sue put her head down and wouldn't budge.  I was short with students who were just settling in and weren't starting on their bell work right away.  I have a few male students who retaliate when they think things are unjust, and they did just that.  So I created a bigger problem for myself.

Half of my kids did well (they were quiet), the other half (of which Bobby was a huge part) were giving me a headache.  It was bad.

End of story, I yelled at my kids.  I don't ever raise my voice in class, though I will use a definite firm voice to let them know when I'm serious.  But on Tuesday I raised that voice and told them how disappointed I was in them, and how their behavior was not acceptable.

I had to get extra help, so I called in Ms. N (the sped coordinator).  She came in and also let them have it, though I think she was much better at it than I had been.  At the end of class she and I took Bobby to the principal, who in turn took him to in-school suspension (ISS)


Time to breathe.


Bobby completely deserved suspension––there is no doubt.

The rest of my students did not deserve the attitude I gave them.

Tuesday finished off rather calm.  My next group of kids all behaved really well; or maybe it was that I had learned my lesson and was more respectfully towards them.  I think it was a mixture of both.

The end of B-day.

The next B-day was Thursday.  My 4th-period walked in and started their Bell Ringer.  Bobby was still in ISS.  Everything was going smoothly, I almost didn't say anything.  But I knew I had a responsibility to say something.

"Class, before we go on, I want to take this time to apologize.

"My behavior last class was not fair to you.  I want to be an example for you, and I want you to learn how to deal with anger and frustrations in a positive way.  I was not showing you how to do that.  I do apologize.

"I do love this class.  You are all so talented, and I really enjoy teaching you.  I was frustrated last class, because of some certain things –––"

student interjects: "Bobby."

"––well, yes.  I was frustrated with Bobby's behavior, but that was no excuse for me to act the way I did towards the rest of you.  So I did want to let you know that I am very sorry."

The kids responded very well.  In fact, much, much, better than I had anticipated.  It was almost a trickle effect.  I had another student (we'll call him David) who's day had started out badly (I had been warned beforehand).  David kicked chairs out of his way as he went to his seat.  He huffed as he sat down.  He quickly did his bell work and huffed again.

After I apologized there was just this little magic in the air.  David calmed down immensely, and I made sure to give him his space and praise him quietly when he was doing his work.  And Sue volunteered to lead the class in our class rules that day.  She has never done that before. I realized as she did it, though, that I think she was shy and it was hard for her to get up in front of people like that.  I had never noticed that before.  And yet, here she was, volunteering to stand up in front of her peers that day.

It was a very calm class.  It was a good class. I was able to restore rapport with these kids, just by apologizing.

We'll see how this class goes when Bobby returns from ISS.  I hope he improves his behavior.  Bobby was such a star student at the beginning of the year, but sometimes middle school does unkind things. I hope this is a temporary problem.

All I know is that I'll do better.  A lesson I remember from my college instruction is that the teacher must always be in control of her emotions.  Continually I have experiences in my teaching career that confirm this truth.  If the teacher is not in control, it causes problems.  The students will not be able to trust you, nor will they feel safe.  However, when you are in control of your emotions, they know what to expect from you and there is a feeling of safety––regardless of how they decide to behave.

So I'm learning what to expect and how to act. I'm getting better at acting and not reacting.  My kids deserve that, because they are my kids.  I care about them and I want them to trust me.  I want them to succeed.

Apologizing to them was a good step.